she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
