my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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