guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
we're so committed to being not committed
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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