They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
