We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Damn victory sex feels great
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
