she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
