dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
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