i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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