big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
