No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
If that was your dad, he is hot
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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