After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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