i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
is that a dick in a sweater?
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
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