it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Randomize
