Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
