K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
