Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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