The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
organizing the empties. That sober.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
