eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
