I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
So much Jack, so little girl.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
