apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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