now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
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