Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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