So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
