last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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