I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
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