I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Randomize
