It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
