Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
