Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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