I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
