if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
