College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I'm just crazy horny about you
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Randomize
