you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
