if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize
