I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
