just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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