Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
