my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
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