The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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