btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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