I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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