What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Randomize
