I bet he comes in French.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
