OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
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