Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
