Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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