the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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