she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
