Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
