you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
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