I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
porn star boner night. come get it.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
