you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
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