got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
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