problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Randomize
